With Nana

Strawberries.

Three Syllables and My Caramel Kiss

Last month Tate learned his first three-syllable word.

Easton's first (four-syllable word) was "motorcycle."

Tate's is "bubblegum."

Tate has finally learned "I Love You" and a million other words and phrases that are so darling. 

He is a little ball of fire on the outside that melts into a cuddly, peaceful, sweetness on the inside...kind of like a Hershey's Caramel Kiss.

I love you Tater Bug. (or Gub as he says)

A New Member

I am wanting to invite a new member into our family...a DSLR camera to call my very own.

I have loved my little point-and-shoot since it's arrival, but it is time to take the next step.  I've been feeling it for about a year.  I have researched and dreamed for days and months.  I feel like the time to bring her home is coming soon.

She will be a part of our family because of the contribution she will make.  She will be the memory-preserver, and I will be the historian.  Partners in creation, we will strive to capture the small and the mundane, the large and illustrious.  Together, we can weave the tapestry of our family's history, for generations to enjoy...

Soon you will be mine, and I will name you and handle you with care, and take you wherever our family treads, for you will be the dear device that will preserve the memories that I will look upon in the many years to come.

Today I'm feeling purple.

Royal purple.  Life is glorious and full of beauty.  I feel like I am part of something grander than myself...motherhood and the growing and nurturing of my soul, and theirs.

And this duty is Divine.  I have been commissioned from on High for the grandest, holiest, most sacred calling a daughter of God can ever have, that of mother.  How can I ever be enough to give my sweet little ones all that they need, deserve in this life?

But the realization then drapes over me like a velvet cloak of purple assuring me of the royalty that runs through my veins, and thoughts of I can do this and He will be with me rest on my careworn shoulders, bolstering them up to the stature of a princess.  Once again, I am reminded that God is my Father and I am His daughter, which makes me the daughter of the Creator of the whole wide universe, the Divine King of all heaven and earth.  And I am His daughter?  I smile knowing, feeling the reality of this truth.

And I can do this mothering journey because He is my Father, which means He will be there to show me the way.  He will be a lamp unto my feet, a lighthouse glowing to steer me aright.  And I will be the mother He intended because Eucharisteo is always enough.  His grace is always sufficient, and if our grace is coupled with His, it will always be enough.

And this is why I am feeling purple. Deep, majestic, royal, and ready to conquer the world...or just my home, where I am the queen.

My Secret.

Each night for the past month and a half (and many times inbetween), I have communed with God and pleaded with Him for a baby.

...a baby girl.

And heaven has answered too many times to count, in the affirmative.

But my self-doubting, human mind has questioned me--not Him of course, with thoughts of how this could be possible and how can I trust my feelings since they must be blurred by desire.

And yet deep within, I feel the burning. And the peace. And the hope alive and burning, glowing with truth.  I have felt close to her, so close. My heart aches for her as if I've lost her and yet it must be the ache of reuniting with someone I've missed for ever so long.

I await His timing knowing that last month must not have been right, but this month I think will be.  

We wondered if this month could be right when the due date would be only a few days after Thanksgiving.  And we will be moving only a few weeks later.  I doubted and felt nothing.  But my sweetheart received the heaven-sent revelation this time.  I cannot forget the way he smiled at me, telling me how wonderful it would be to hold our baby girl on Thanksgiving...in thanksgiving.  And my heart gasped for he didn't know that I had felt the very exact same thing only the night before.

And so we tried this month.

And if my intuition is indeed gleaming, we succeeded.

For when my sweetheart and I were peacefully watching a lovely movie, I felt the impression, the vision almost, that He was telling her it was almost time.  And tears stung my eyes and I stared at the pink blooming tulips on the vanity and willed her to being with all of my heart.  

And since that late night of visions and tulip-gazing my body is showing early signs and my heart is knowing yes this is the month.

So now I wait. We wait. Not in agony as last month, but in hopeful, knowing anticipation of the dawn that is just about to break.

A Little of Lately.

My mind is racing through the last few weeks...remembering...treasuring...smiling.

Little snatches that if I don't write down now, I may forget. Because I've forgotten some already.

So I'll remember:

...making cookies and watching my boys hungrily observe the dough balls bake...

...then mining for "coal"

...playing Wii Fit again and again and laughing until our sides hurt to watch Easton do his warm-up stretches and run his laps.

And I'll remember Tate learning how to unlock the iPod and Easton teaching him how to play games...

...playing Twister and playing with Daddy...

...and Tate leaving us to visit Nana and Papa for the first time all by himself...

I'll remember taking Easton to play at a party palace since he couldn't go with Tate...

...and then Tate came home saying "night night gawa (gorilla)" and so I had to order the book since he missed Nana's so much.

...I'll remember Raspberry "Pai" Sunday...

...and the Sunday that was yesterday that greeted us with Spring sunshine warm enough to stroll in...

...And I'll remember taking naps with Easton.

That teach me how to slow down and relax and just sleep.

During one of those naps, I felt a little poke, poke, poke on my arm.  I ignored it for a minute hoping he would roll over and go to sleep.  But the poking continued.  Of course the thought of scolding ran through my mind, but I chose to open my eyes to the biggest, widest ear-to-ear smile from my son.  "That's all," he said.  And then, "Goodnight, Sugar Pie."

Then there was yesterday, which dawned bright and early.  with Patrick at priesthood meeting, I quickly got ready in the stillness of the Sabbath, relishing the peace and the quiet.

To my miraculous astonishment, the boys were still in slumber when I was ready.  So I retreated to a quiet corner to read again "What Happy Homemakers Know" and THIS that I've started reading at the beginning of each morning. (It fringes each morning with a lacy edge that turmoil or messes or trial cannot tear.)  

My heart soared as I lit the candle for breakfast and lovingly set the table.  And then I stepped into my boys' room to gently wake them up. (And since they are usually awake at the crack of dawn, this was the first time I've ever had this opportunity).

We rocked for twenty minutes while the candle flickered and the wax ran down.

 And time stood still.  And I held on desperately to every minute.  For I know that these minutes will hardly last forever.

 Just a whisper on the wind...growing fainter as they grow older.

I still pretend Tate is my baby.  But I know deep down he is not.  

And my arms ache to hold an infant again for my babies are growing into boys.  And someday they'll be men.   

And I'll look out at the frosty fields and wonder where "summer" went.  Too fleetingly gradual to notice the autumn aging.

Have I cherished their childhood enough?  Have I reverenced my role enough to someday look back without regret?

These are the questions that pour through my heart.  These are the questions that have been directing my recent journeys of motherhood.

And I'm ever so grateful.

You must watch this. Really.

Remember Ann Voskamp?

A holy experience?

I invite you to watch this.

It is mesmerizingly poignant.

It speaks right to the heart

...about moments

...about ordinary
...about grace.

It will change your day.
And maybe even your life too.

And then go over to Quest for Happiness to read more from Ann Voskamp (and me)...

...and become a follower! :)
Click here !

Your ideas?

Would you mind hopping on over to Quest for Happiness and giving me your ideas?

I have a new post about family ceremonies and rituals that I would love love love to get some feedback on.  Please share.  (You'll make my day! ;)

Well, you'll make my day again.  My day was made the first time when my sweet neighbor left a breath of springtime on my doorstep.

P.S. Here's the link for my post one more time (just in case you forgot ;)

http://questforhappinessdaybyday.blogspot.com/2011/03/ceremonies-and-rituals.html

2nd Day.

I had an interesting experience today.  I posted it on Quest for Happiness.

This is my second day of this life-changing journey.  And I hope it continues for a very long time.

Just last night I was pondering and thanking Heavenly Father for guiding me to the perfect websites, the perfect books, the perfect scripture verses.  My life is turning out to be so beautiful--even despite trials and setbacks and hard days.  I am learning how to be happy.

And then the Spirit whispered a soft statement that resonated in the inner chambers of my heart:

"Jamie, you are finally learning how to live."

And I realized, that I am.

And that's why I've started this series on Quest for Happiness...to record a recipe for life and happiness and to share these things with you.  

I realized it's been a while since I posted last (like July of last year) and I realized my personal quest for happiness had taken a back seat to other more "pressing" issues.  But I've put these things on the back burner for too long and I'm recommitted to posting on a regular basis for two purposes:  

first to have somewhere to sort through my thoughts and turn them into a model of happiness I can apply to my everyday life.  

And second, to benefit anyone else who is interested in joining the quest.

I'd really love for you to join me.

Comments allow me to glean wisdom from YOU.  If we could all share our wisdom, our vision, wouldn't we all be happier?  We could mesh our ideas into the creation of beautiful lives.

And so all you have to do is either become a follower of Quest for Happiness

or add the following URL to your blog roll. http://questforhappinessdaybyday.blogspot.com

Either way you will know when I update the blog. (For a while I'm going to aim for daily posts).

And then don't forget to share your thoughts and insights with me through comments.  I will never have all of the wisdom or knowledge in the world, but if we can learn from each other, we will both be that much wiser.

My prayers are with each one of you--for happiness and a desire to share your happiness with me.

Of interest...

Today I found a blog that is changing my life.  I will be learning and discovering daily from author Ann Voskamp and will be posting my findings (hopefully on a daily basis) on my Quest for Happiness blog.  If you feel the urge, the prompting, the curiosity, the need to be more happy or live closer to God, to begin anew, or even to provide more order to the daily chaos, I would love for you to join me.

It's going to be a rich and bounteous quest indeed.

I'm so excited.

Here is the link to begin.