Paradise

This song describes my life so perfectly.  Like to a tee.  But just like the girl in this song, after spending years dreaming of paradise, I have learned that paradise is right here, wherever I am, even if I'm lying underneath the stormy skies--knowing that the sun will set and rise on a brand new day.

I don't remember when this lesson really started to sink in, but when I first heard this song early this year I knew that it completely summarized the principle I had been learning to live--that of enjoying the moment, finding the jewel in each day, and learning to be happy and content in every circumstance.  It's the epitome of thanksliving and believing that the Lord's graces and tender mercies are all around.  This song sums up what I have been becoming the last three years with yearly themes.

Looking back, I feel that I've left a part of my heart in every "paradise" I've lived in.  The little red brick house that always appeared to me to have a face was where I grew up.  It will always hold the nostalgia and sweet memories of innocent childhood.  It was the place I laughed, loved, and grew my testimony.  It represents that idyllic sunshiney phase of life to which I so often wish to return....even just for a day.  I can't even drive by this house anymore or my heart hurts.  It's so sad for me to see other cars parked in the driveway, the playhouse and cherry trees gone, the beautiful log fences that my dad so lovingly built, in ruins.  And I've looked at those "window eyes" and felt like the home is calling out to me to come back and live there again.  I can't think about it too much without getting too sad, so I choose to preserve it in my memory as the happy place it once was and not the place it now is.

Then there was Portugal, the place where more than half my heart still resides, and always will.  That home, that epic seems so much like a dream to me nearly 10 years later.  I was a princess in that home, or so it felt.  And while the challenges there were more daunting than the years before, it was a very sacred and hallowed time for me.  It was there that I found out who I really was and who I was going to strive to become.  (And though I didn't know it at the time, it was there that I met the missionary who would one day become my sweetheart for time and all eternity.)  Was Portugal Paradise?  Truly.  There's no better word to describe it.

My little apartment in Colonial House while attending BYU-Idaho was fleeting and trying.  I only owned one half of a tiny bedroom, but it was a haven to me where I studied, wrote the feelings of my heart, and talked for endless hours to my family in Portugal and Patrick who was attending school 400 miles away.  I know there is a piece of my heart still there.

The next house was our first together as husband and wife.  University Courtyard #602 was more like a hallway, perhaps a "closet under the stairs."  But it was beautiful and the perfect place to begin our married lives together.  It was in that little one bedroom apartment that we learned how to rely on the Lord and each other for just about everything.  It was only a sojourn for 9 months, but still long enough to plant a part of my heart there as well.

Hill's Cottage, tucked away in a quiet place was so idyllic.  We brought both Easton and Tate home from the hospital to this beloved sanctuary.  It was more than 100 years old, but the 3 bedroom home was paradise to us, even with the purple holey carpet and sinking toilet.  I loved that home as much as I've ever loved a home.  It felt like it was ours, especially since we spent two years in its shelter.  Whenever my mind travels back to this house, all I feel is peace and tranquility.  It was a heaven on earth.  It was there that we taught Easton to walk and where I spent so many hours and weeks and months learning how to become a mother.  It was all so new and adventurous and challenging.  It was one of the sweetest times in my memory.  There we invited family home evening groups over from the singles ward where Patrick was serving, to have a lesson, game, and refreshments nearly every Monday.  I loved that home and was so sad to leave.  The only happy part about leaving was knowing we were moving on to graduate school and another adventure.

Our next abode, a basement apartment was smaller than the cottage before, but warm and cozy.  We hunkered down in there for 3 years with intermittent moves to do internships.  It was there we grew closer than ever before to my sweet grandparents, Gram and Pop.  We were at their house nearly every day, playing, laughing, and making cherished memories.  It was there I was taught by a good friend how to paint and distress furniture, bargain shop, and decorate my home in an authentic way that I love.  It was there that I learned how to love and play with and nurture two growing, crazy, darling boys.  It was there Patrick completed his academic schooling for physical therapy school, and it was there that we felt it was time for Maylie to join us.  The ward we were part of was so good to us and we still miss them so dearly.  I think a part of our heart will always be there.

Our last abode before our final stop was in our farmhouse cottage.  It fulfilled my lifelong dream to live in an old, renovated farmhouse.  It was our first home that we had all to ourselves, even though we were still renting.  The boys played and slept in the loft, rode their bikes in the spacious yard, and we enjoyed the roomy bathroom that was bigger than some of our previous bedrooms.  The area we lived in was picturesque and serene.  Farmlands everywhere, with our home bordering the foothills of the high, tall mountains.  There were times when I thought this would be our resting place, but somehow the Lord led us on.  And even though we spent a year here, it seemed like only a few months.  The time flew and Maylie turned 1 just yesterday and we're leaving tomorrow.  And as I close this chapter, I feel a big part of my heart will always reside in this sweet little town.  For it was here that I overcame dark days of dreariness, enjoy each and every moment, let truths sink deeply into my heart, and was given a special gift from Heavenly Father--the desire to play with and be with my sweet little ones for all their waking hours.  I look back and can't believe how far I've come.  How far we've all  come, really.  Life has soared on wings of eagles and no matter how hard I wish it to slow, it only increases velocity.  And now, it's time to close this chapter and welcome the one ahead.  Ironically, as a side note, as I walked through our new home yesterday afternoon to check the progress, "Paradise" was playing on the radio...

And so with this reflection on where we've come, I realize that each of our homes have been a unique paradise in their own way.   
Paradise is a state of the heart, not a geographical location.  
It is this I have learned.

And just like the others before it, this, this could be paradise.

...And now for the clips that inspired this post, "Paradise" by Coldplay and "Peponi" by the Piano Guys.  These have been my two favorite songs this year.  It's so amazing to me how music can speak to us in ways that nothing else can.  Enjoy...

P.S. The video that accompanies Peponi is INCREDIBLE. 

You are 1!!!!!

Today's bathtime

Drying off the sugar-plum fairy

Dear, Dear Maylie May,

Time has passed so swiftly this past year--as if on eagle's wings.  And I can hardly believe you're 1.  You've been walking for well over a month now and your first words have been Jesus, Mama, and Dada.  You've successfully transitioned to a sippy cup with whole milk and you love big people food.  I love your funny faces, the way you laugh, and the way you repeat an action over and over as soon as you get a reaction from your brothers.  I just really can't imagine life without you.

I laid down with your brothers today for a nap and I dreamed about your birth as if it were happening all over again.  And when I held you for the first time {in my dream}, I cried tears of joy and kissed you over and over.  Yesterday I was mourning the fact that I had forgotten how your newborn cheeks felt as I kissed them.  And in a blessed tender mercy, I dreamed that I kissed your cheeks, so happy that I got to kiss them one more time.  I was savoring and relishing your smell and your precious little features, knowing I would soon wake up to you all grown.  It was just what I needed today to push through the melancholy and treasure the now.

Maylie, you are Grace through and through.  I can't tell you enough or adequately describe in words what you have done for me and this family.  You are the bright star that has fallen right into our laps.  You are what brightens our Winters, and enhances our Springs.  You came at just the right time, in perfect answer to my heartfelt pleas.  I prayed for you to come more than I had ever prayed for anything else.  You were the dream I'd held in my heart for so long.

And now you've been with us for one whole year.  I have cherished every moment with you, and I'm just so grateful that we get to share another.  And for this year I wish for you joy, and peace, and hope immeasurable.

All my love,

Mommy

Dearest Maylie,

I have always dreamed of having a little daughter of my own to be, "Daddy's little girl." I could always imagine how we would be the best of friends and would always be close. I am grateful that one year ago today, you made that dream come true for me. Thank you for coming to our family when you did and for bringing with you so much light and love with you!

I love you for so many reasons (much more than I can count!), here are just a few:

• I love you for your wonderful smile that brightens every day
• I love you for your determination to learn and master new things
• I love your recently acquired ability to give kisses
• I love the way you come scooting to see me every time I come home from work (even if you do come in saying, "mama!")
• I love your wild hair doo in the mornings when we get you up
• I love you for your shining eyes that reflect so well our home above
• To sum it up, Maylie, I just love you.

Happy 1st birthday sweet princess!

I love you!

Love,

Daddy

Thanksgiving Is...

*Spending time with dear family.  (This year we feasted with the Johnson's Thanksgiving Day and the Greene's the Sunday after at our place.)

*Being so very grateful. (We began the day with a family 5K around the high school track.  It was my first ever and it was really amazing!  I love to run! {Unfortunately, it brought back all of the terrible nervousness of my high school track days...until Patrick started running with me.  We finished together in first place.})

*Gathering together all of the best food and reveling in laughter and love. (This year I made glazed crescent rolls and the dinner place setting favors...I didn't get a picture though. :(

*Taking photos. (I should have asked someone to take a family photo of us. Oh well.  At least we got Great-Grandpa Johnson with all of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.)

*Black Friday Shopping? (This was my first year, maybe my last too? I had no desire to go...until our wii broke and I needed a few bedding supplies for our new house. It was definitely an experience to remember.)

Easton coloring his turkey handprint

Eliza

Holland

Tate and Grandpa

From left to right: Nelson, Madeline, Holland, Grandpa Johnson, Tate, Colbie, Eliza, Easton, and Maylie

Back row: Payton, Sadie, Grandpa Johnson, Jacee, Patrick; Front: Molly and Megan

Jackie, Grandpa J, and Alan

The Young Family: Holland, Chad, Nelson, Jacee, Madeline, and Eliza

Playing games while the rest of us were black friday shopping

*And most of all, Thanksgiving is just looking back and seeing how far we've come over the past year, as individuals, families, neighbors, friends.  I still have far to go and miles to tread before I sleep, but it's been an eventful and life-changing year.  Patrick's graduating school, passing his boards, and landing his job.  Our building our first home.  Easton starting his first year of school.  Tate learning some of his letters.  Maylie learning to walk.  And me learning many, many things.  Like enjoying the moments, simplifying life, the ecstasy of playing with children, overcoming postpartum depression, organizing my home and life, and the list could go on.

We have so much for which to be grateful.

In Memory of Cougar.

We found it odd yesterday morning when Cougar wasn't out on the porch waiting to be fed.  Her blanket was empty.  But we didn't think too much of it while we readied ourselves for church and then piled into the car.  But just as we were pulling out, Patrick stopped the car, looking in his rearview mirror.  "Oh my goodness!"  And I worriedly asked, "What?"

He backed up the car and there she was, laying in the road.

We pulled back into our driveway, and I walked back to the house to get a box.  The sobs came uncontrollably.

But as we drove to church with me still crying, Tate said, in his little angelic voice, "It's okay Mommy.  Kitty's in the celestial kingdom now with Heavenly Father and Jesus."  Oh to have the pure and perfect perspective of a child.

Later that day we had a funeral service for our sweet friend, sang a song, and a said a prayer.

During dinner we spoke of our favorite memories with Cougar.  She wasn't with us long, but just long enough to wrap herself around our hearts.  She was practically Tate's best friend.  He perhaps spent the most time holding and cuddling and playing with her.  And I loved her so much.  But Patrick perhaps was most changed by her.  Before Cougar, Patrick didn't much care for cats.  But inviting a kitten into our circle changed his mind.  She easily found a place in his heart.  He told me with tears in his eyes that he kept thinking about Cougar and missing her.  He loved her too.

After dinner we piled into the car again and drove to a friend's house to pick out another kitten.  She's been asking us to take one and we were considering getting a second cat when we moved.  Patrick thought it might help if we could fill the void quickly.  We watched the little kittens from the kitchen window and promised to take the little white one {or even the gray} in three weeks when we move.  And I'm so excited, but also apprehensive.  Because I don't know if I will be able to love another cat as much as I did Cougar.  I know she was just a cat, but she was my dear friend and we will always miss her.

Paige's Bridals

It was a picturesque morning in Salt Lake City...chilly with its frosty grass, but lovely none the less.  And we snapped hundreds of pictures of this soon-to-be bride.

{As always, you can see more at my photography blog}

Can you believe...

...that this is what I get to wake up to every morning?  Two handsome boys and one gorgeous girl?

Have you ever really stopped to think about just how blessed you are?  Last night I had the over-powering feeling of just how astounding my children are.  And they all are.  Each child sent to you and to me is exactly who's supposed to come at exactly the right time.

And when you really stop to contemplate, isn't it stunning how complex and intricate each child is with their singular personalities? their gifts? their graces? their strengths? even their weaknesses?

A few days ago I looked up the meaning of the word "heritage," since this word has always puzzled me in this scripture:

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord..." -Psalms 127:3

Heritage means an inheritance, valuable objects or property that is passed down; and archaically, it means "a special or individual possession; an allotted portion."  

Perhaps I'm just slower than most, but when I thought of heritage "legacy" is what came to mind.  But this definition broadened my perspective greatly and now I can see that my children, and all children, are truly, an heritage of the Lord.  They are His gift to us, an inheritance from a Heavenly Father, the portion that is allotted to us over which to act as stewards.

And all these things make perfect sense when the rest of the verse is considered...

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

P.S. Do you see behind Tate...up on that hill?  That's where our new house is being built!!