Paradise

This song describes my life so perfectly.  Like to a tee.  But just like the girl in this song, after spending years dreaming of paradise, I have learned that paradise is right here, wherever I am, even if I'm lying underneath the stormy skies--knowing that the sun will set and rise on a brand new day.

I don't remember when this lesson really started to sink in, but when I first heard this song early this year I knew that it completely summarized the principle I had been learning to live--that of enjoying the moment, finding the jewel in each day, and learning to be happy and content in every circumstance.  It's the epitome of thanksliving and believing that the Lord's graces and tender mercies are all around.  This song sums up what I have been becoming the last three years with yearly themes.

Looking back, I feel that I've left a part of my heart in every "paradise" I've lived in.  The little red brick house that always appeared to me to have a face was where I grew up.  It will always hold the nostalgia and sweet memories of innocent childhood.  It was the place I laughed, loved, and grew my testimony.  It represents that idyllic sunshiney phase of life to which I so often wish to return....even just for a day.  I can't even drive by this house anymore or my heart hurts.  It's so sad for me to see other cars parked in the driveway, the playhouse and cherry trees gone, the beautiful log fences that my dad so lovingly built, in ruins.  And I've looked at those "window eyes" and felt like the home is calling out to me to come back and live there again.  I can't think about it too much without getting too sad, so I choose to preserve it in my memory as the happy place it once was and not the place it now is.

Then there was Portugal, the place where more than half my heart still resides, and always will.  That home, that epic seems so much like a dream to me nearly 10 years later.  I was a princess in that home, or so it felt.  And while the challenges there were more daunting than the years before, it was a very sacred and hallowed time for me.  It was there that I found out who I really was and who I was going to strive to become.  (And though I didn't know it at the time, it was there that I met the missionary who would one day become my sweetheart for time and all eternity.)  Was Portugal Paradise?  Truly.  There's no better word to describe it.

My little apartment in Colonial House while attending BYU-Idaho was fleeting and trying.  I only owned one half of a tiny bedroom, but it was a haven to me where I studied, wrote the feelings of my heart, and talked for endless hours to my family in Portugal and Patrick who was attending school 400 miles away.  I know there is a piece of my heart still there.

The next house was our first together as husband and wife.  University Courtyard #602 was more like a hallway, perhaps a "closet under the stairs."  But it was beautiful and the perfect place to begin our married lives together.  It was in that little one bedroom apartment that we learned how to rely on the Lord and each other for just about everything.  It was only a sojourn for 9 months, but still long enough to plant a part of my heart there as well.

Hill's Cottage, tucked away in a quiet place was so idyllic.  We brought both Easton and Tate home from the hospital to this beloved sanctuary.  It was more than 100 years old, but the 3 bedroom home was paradise to us, even with the purple holey carpet and sinking toilet.  I loved that home as much as I've ever loved a home.  It felt like it was ours, especially since we spent two years in its shelter.  Whenever my mind travels back to this house, all I feel is peace and tranquility.  It was a heaven on earth.  It was there that we taught Easton to walk and where I spent so many hours and weeks and months learning how to become a mother.  It was all so new and adventurous and challenging.  It was one of the sweetest times in my memory.  There we invited family home evening groups over from the singles ward where Patrick was serving, to have a lesson, game, and refreshments nearly every Monday.  I loved that home and was so sad to leave.  The only happy part about leaving was knowing we were moving on to graduate school and another adventure.

Our next abode, a basement apartment was smaller than the cottage before, but warm and cozy.  We hunkered down in there for 3 years with intermittent moves to do internships.  It was there we grew closer than ever before to my sweet grandparents, Gram and Pop.  We were at their house nearly every day, playing, laughing, and making cherished memories.  It was there I was taught by a good friend how to paint and distress furniture, bargain shop, and decorate my home in an authentic way that I love.  It was there that I learned how to love and play with and nurture two growing, crazy, darling boys.  It was there Patrick completed his academic schooling for physical therapy school, and it was there that we felt it was time for Maylie to join us.  The ward we were part of was so good to us and we still miss them so dearly.  I think a part of our heart will always be there.

Our last abode before our final stop was in our farmhouse cottage.  It fulfilled my lifelong dream to live in an old, renovated farmhouse.  It was our first home that we had all to ourselves, even though we were still renting.  The boys played and slept in the loft, rode their bikes in the spacious yard, and we enjoyed the roomy bathroom that was bigger than some of our previous bedrooms.  The area we lived in was picturesque and serene.  Farmlands everywhere, with our home bordering the foothills of the high, tall mountains.  There were times when I thought this would be our resting place, but somehow the Lord led us on.  And even though we spent a year here, it seemed like only a few months.  The time flew and Maylie turned 1 just yesterday and we're leaving tomorrow.  And as I close this chapter, I feel a big part of my heart will always reside in this sweet little town.  For it was here that I overcame dark days of dreariness, enjoy each and every moment, let truths sink deeply into my heart, and was given a special gift from Heavenly Father--the desire to play with and be with my sweet little ones for all their waking hours.  I look back and can't believe how far I've come.  How far we've all  come, really.  Life has soared on wings of eagles and no matter how hard I wish it to slow, it only increases velocity.  And now, it's time to close this chapter and welcome the one ahead.  Ironically, as a side note, as I walked through our new home yesterday afternoon to check the progress, "Paradise" was playing on the radio...

And so with this reflection on where we've come, I realize that each of our homes have been a unique paradise in their own way.   
Paradise is a state of the heart, not a geographical location.  
It is this I have learned.

And just like the others before it, this, this could be paradise.

...And now for the clips that inspired this post, "Paradise" by Coldplay and "Peponi" by the Piano Guys.  These have been my two favorite songs this year.  It's so amazing to me how music can speak to us in ways that nothing else can.  Enjoy...

P.S. The video that accompanies Peponi is INCREDIBLE. 

Refocus.

I've been thinking about focus lately.   How focus can really color (or discolor) the day...or week...or month...or year.  It seems everyone has a niche--some focus that is all theirs and unchangeable.  And I've been wondering how to find my focus--one that will actually make a difference for good.  It seems my ones of the past haven't always been beneficial (like perfection and routine and to-do lists).  And the ones that have been wonderful (like thanksliving and pondering and moments and others like these) don't always last.  I was feeling rather stuck last night, contemplating all these puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit together in my mind.

So I prayed and yesterday morning searched the words of living prophets.  Then I took a notecard (my favorite device) and wrote 2 headings--Focal Points and Focus.  Under each I listed the words that were paired with these headings as I found them in articles and talks....

Focal Points:

*The Temple

*Jesus Christ and His teachings

Focus:

*motherhood/family

*others (outside ourselves)

*family history work

*eternity/the big picture

*blessings

*kindness & forgiveness

*the one

*essentials

*prayer

*light

*what the Lord would have you do

*small daily bites (our daily bread)

Many "focus" words I found in President Uchtdorf's talks...and it's interesting that I've been having the prompting to compile his talks and study them...

Then I listed my priorities and made sure my daily life is focusing on those things that matter most.  I made 4 goals to help my life coincide with my priorities on the back of my little notecard.

And then...I lived.

Amazingly, I still had time to do everything...which is something that hasn't happened in weeks.  The whole concept of time has been baffling me.  How is it possible that the last few weeks have sped up so fast as to completely erase my small hold on any semblance of time-control?

But I think it's changed now that I listed out the things of my heart and limited myself dramatically.

Tate and I played games for a long while.  It was such a time of connection for the both of us.

Then we drove through the autumn to pick up Easton and I noticed how the once-brilliant yellow trees were bare.  And it hit me.  The changing seasons refocus every few months.  The golden leaves and fiery reds of fall give way to blankets of fluffy snow which in turn give way to pastel blossoms and then deep green leaves and luscious grass.  The focus changes.

And so it has been (and will continue to be) for me.  My focus will ebb and change with the seasons.  Right now my focus is on connection with my little ones, preserving memories, limiting where I spend my energy, and responding with love.  But this too will change...most likely when the snow starts to fall and we are settling snugly into our new house...there will be a refocusing and new habits to develop.

And of course, over-arching and under-girding all my days, I will seek to live out holiness to the Lord with family eyes turned towards the temple.  Perhaps this life's theme is like nature itself and while the details change with time, the perspective of eternity is always in striking view.

To paraphrase President Uchtdorf, focusing on the why of the gospel is a pathway of peace and joy in this life and glory and inexpressible fulfillment in the life to come. 

It's going to be grand.

Summer Excursions.

Last week we managed to squeeze in two family vacations.  First we went to Lagoon with the Greene's and later in the week we went camping with the Johnsons.

I didn't take many pictures because I forgot my camera at Lagoon and then it ran out of battery in the mountains.  But it doesn't matter; the pictures are all in my head--perfectly preserved.

Watching my little boys' faces as they ventured on the rides was indescribable.  Indescribably indescribable.  The wonder, the delight, the excitement, the sheer joy that radiated from their little faces brings tears to my eyes as I remember.  It was the best trip to Lagoon I have ever had. 

I took this with Patrick's phone

Then camping brought adventures and hikes and games around the campfire.  The boys loved this too.  So much.  And I did too....for the first time in my life.

I just can't wait for next summer.  Because I know that the two vacations on the very top of my to-do list will be Lagoon and Camping.

Oh, my heart is already nostalgic and it hurts now that summer is winding down.  Everything is going to change this Fall with Easton starting school and my little ones growing up so fast....

Oh summer, I know you must leave, but please linger a little longer.  I need every single moment.

A Tea Party and Homemade Playdough

I didn't think boys would ever be interested in a tea party, but when Easton asked me what I liked to do when I was little, and I named off a dozen things (including tea parties), he thought it might be fun to have one.  So here is our milk and gingersnaps tea party...

Another day we decided to make homemade playdough.  I don't think I've had so much fun in a long, long time.  They were entertained for two days straight and I loved watching their creativity blossom.

Even I had fun!

I love summer.  And I sure love doing activities with my children.  It's one of the best parts of being a mother!

Bright Eyes at Bath Time

You love bathtime, Miss Maylie.  You splash and kick more than your brothers did.  You're always kicking in joy and excitement.  You love to lay in the bathroom and listen to the water run--in the tub, the shower, or the sink.  You love the sound of water, and I love the sound of you!  Thank you for making my life so very wonderful.  You are such my best little friend and the best daughter in the whole wide world!

On the farm.

There's something special about watching your little ones hold baby animals for the first time, kind of like that first breath of Spring air all blossomy and dewed.

I guess even little boys can be tender, though they have to be taught how to hold the bunny just right so it doesn't hop away and how to gently clutch the chick without squeezing too hard...

I find myself thinking of the symbol of this in motherhood.  Timid to hold my newborns for the first time, wondering how to cradle them protectively without holding too tight...figuratively speaking.  It must be learned, sometimes through trial and error, but always accompanied with the softness that children bring with them.  And therefore, despite the difficulty of learning how to do it "right," we feel so privileged that it is finally "our turn" to hold the baby chick, our baby chicks, and nurture them to happiness.  And the uncertainty is replaced with a feeling of reverence and joy.

The line is long for the train, and my boys entertain themselves by peeking through the wooden slats and watching the train pass by again and again.

But finally it's time to board and Aunt Coco takes them for the ride while I push Maylie's stroller and Mother goes to fetch a bottle.  I am overprotective, watching them get on, hoping they don't fall off or stand up.

But their faces of delight let me know that sometimes it is okay to let go, because all of that sweet cradling will make a difference, and I wonder how I will ever let them really go when they finally do grow up.

This ride around the tracks of children-raising chugs along slowly, but it is ever so fleeting in the great scheme of things.

I hope I can treasure every second of it all.

Moments on Monday. {13 & 14}

I'm a day late and I didn't get a photo every day, but here are the moments I did record...

Friday, March 30, 2012

Where I spent my yesterday of retreat, cuddled up in a blanket, soaking in good books.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Listening to the words of General Conference.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Rolling over.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Tate asking if he could read the hymnbook.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

To the farm and sweet Nana and Aunt Coco.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

A lovely day for an Easter party.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Walking at the temple.

 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Sprinklers.

 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A finished lamp shade (finally!)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Homemade little loaves of wheat bread.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Our first letter to "Dr." Johnson. ;)

Friday, April 13, 2012

The most beautiful flower bouquet from Patrick for my birthday.