My Journey through 2013: Winter Connection

{My two little boys playing in the snow}

I made a goal at the end of the year.  It's a tradition we've always had in our family, one that my parents started.  Every year around Christmastime, we each take a notecard and write a gift we want to give to the Savior for the coming year.  It's always a gift of the heart, a gift of ourselves.

My last year's gift was "Connection."  I wanted so badly to connect with the special people around me in meaningful ways.  As the year progresses, I never completely become the person I envision, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of the gift I've promised to give to my Savior.  It influences my choices and my thought patterns, what I study and where my focus lies.

I think back upon this year's January and February as times of deep connection with my family, myself, and my Savior.  I tried to take a few minutes each day (and sometimes more) to wholly savor my sweet children.  We did Valentine's activities and a host of other "pinterest-related" art projects almost every day during those two months and I kept a daily record of the time I spent with them.  You see, I find that I berate myself so often on the lack of time spent with my children.  But as I recorded the things we did together, the moments we enjoyed, the times we shared, I was amazed that small and simple times really did add up to great things, and perhaps I do a little better than I give myself credit for.  By the end of those long winter months, my paradigm had shifted.  Time with my children wasn't a burden, but a sweet time of connection and bonding.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, in his marvelous talk, Of Things that Matter Most, says:

"We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together.  In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.  Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home.  We talk with, rather than about, each other.  We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities.  We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship."

But as the months floated by, I found I prepared fancy activities less and less and soon became discouraged.  It wasn't until I began reading a book called Desperate: Hope for the Mom who needs to Breathe, that I learned we need to create our own family culture and only spend time doing things with our family that are important to us.  This simple thought was novel to me.  Why spend time creating crazy art projects when I'd much rather be reading to my children, or writing a story with them, dancing to music, baking bread with them, or playing a game?  I spent several days writing out just what was important to me and then decided how I would pass on the legacy of things I love to my children.

As Katrina Kenison says in her precious book, "Mitten Strings for God:"

"There is real value in simply being present, for our children.

"I discovered just what it is that they need more than anything else: me.  My full attention.  My face in front of their faces, making eye contact.  My unfailing belief in their best selves.  My joy in their existence.  My nurturing."

"My children are most at ease when I am at ease myself, when our days are not too busy, our activities not too ambitious.  They are happy when we are simply together, moment by moment, engaged with each other.

"So I have come to think of this loving attention as my special province...This is the divine work we mothers do; perhaps, for a time, it is our vocation--taking care of the invisible.

"When we commit ourselves to nurturing, suddenly it seems that those fleeting moments of togetherness that we do have with our children become infused with love and meaning.  We become more conscious of the mood we create when we are with them, whether we're bestowing a goody-bye kiss at the door, driving them to school, eating dinner together, or tucking them into bed.  All of these mundane activities can be enriched; all offer opportunities for connection."

At the same time, I took time for myself each day to recharge my battery and fill my well.  I knew that if I wanted to mother well and fully, I needed to have something to give.  Last year Patrick gave me one of the greatest gifts I have ever received--6 retreats sprinkled throughout the year.  He said that every other month I could take time all by myself to do whatever I wanted to do.  I know I received many special Christmas gifts last year, but this was the one for which I was most grateful.

I remember my first retreat in February, how I spent the day reading and writing.  I took a long soak in the bath, listened to soothing music and ate my favorite foods.  It was a day of inward turning and quiet contemplation.  It was one of the most peaceful, sweet days of my whole life.  And in this sweet gift given from a loving husband, I learned how to connect with myself.

But I didn't limit my time with myself to one Saturday every few months.  I took time almost daily to spend by myself.  Morning scripture study, and during afternoon naps--30 minutes of peace to myself.  This midday pause has always been a treasure for me--a moment of stillness amidst a chaotic day, indeed the eye of the storm.

Sarah Ban Breathnach in Simple Abundance (as well as Anne Morrow Lindbergh in Gift from the Sea), explain this principle so well:

"Many of us assume that we can continue to get along just by 'winging it' indefinitely.  We can't.  We need an antidote for the hurried and harried lives that threaten to tear us apart.  Follow the advice of Anne Morrow Lindbergh and make carving out a small portion of each day for yourself a personal priority.  'Quiet time alone, contemplation, prayer, music, a centering line of thought or reading, of study or work.  It can be physical or intellectual or artistic, any creative life proceeding from oneself.  It need not be an enormous project or a great work.  But it should be something of one's own.  Arranging a bowl of flowers in the morning can give a sense of quiet in a crowded day...What matters is that one be for a time inwardly attentive.'"

I also love the words of President Uchtdorf:

"It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do.  Some people can't get along with themselves.  They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves.  May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better.  Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God's creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally.  Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you--as His precious daughter or son with divine potential."

Finally, to come to know our Savior and Father in Heaven in a close and personal way is an individual matter that each of us must do for ourselves.  But I think the right place to begin that relationship is here.  Right now.  In the present moment of where we are at this very second.  With our actions, our thoughts, and how we choose to spend our time, we move closer or farther away from Them.  I've been learning these lessons this year and enjoyed January and February's supreme focus on connecting with the heavens.

President Uchtdorf gives us a roadmap:

"We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ...To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful time alone with Him.  Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend--these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.  Let us heed the invitation in Psalms: 'Be still, and know that I am God.'"

Looking back on this year, I know I've faltered on all of these relationships many times, and will never reach perfection, but I am truly grateful for the Lord's mercy in allowing me to wake up each morning and try again.

Ultimately, my attitude towards connection is what has changed the most this year, as I've learned how to foes on "connection" vs. "accomplishment."  And I can honestly say, I'm enjoying the ongoing, remarkable journey.